Why I Could Not “Fix” My Body After Pregnancy… Until Four Years Later

I have written quite a bit about my pregnancy and postpartum experiences.

I was very slow to get in any real movement following the whole child birthing experience. Even a couple of years after giving birth, I was still nowhere near having the body I had before my pregnancy. I didn’t get how some women would even try to “bounce back” with vigorous workouts and unfaltering determination to lose that “baby belly”. Weren’t they still healing, too?

I was an older mom giving birth for the first time. I didn’t care about how long the baby bump would linger. I just wanted to feel strong again, and recovered. Having a c-section certainly changed any post game workout plans I had. I walked a little. And that was pretty much it. For me, movement included chores around the house. But, I wasn’t up for yoga or the likes of Peloton. I gave myself a long break.

Nursing prevented me from gaining any extra weight. But, still, I felt… broken.

For me, childbirth left me with painful, sticky hips, no feeling in my pelvic region, and diastasis recti – abdominal separation leaving a gaping space where my abs should have reconnected. It has been nearly impossible to recovery my core.

Fast forward to the present – four years postpartum. I now have a personal trainer and for more than six months we’ve been working on recovering my core, pelvic floor, and toning up, in general. While I do feel stronger, I can’t really see any difference in the tone or shape of my body. My hips still hurt on the regular.

One day, a few weeks ago, I had bent over abruptly and felt discomfort in the space that would have been the top of my baby bump, under my breasts, at center – my core. Basically, I described the discomfort to my personal trainer from folding over on top of that space that held my former baby bump. It wasn’t painful, just a jarring discomfort that took my breath away. After a long pause, she said she believed it had to do with my diaphragm. And diastasis recti. But, really she was concerned with my diaphragm and how I was breathing.

I wasn’t sure what my diaphragm had to do with it. But, she said it would benefit me to continue working on bracing my core throughout the day. She said we would dig deeper the following week.

I took it upon my self to research the diaphragm and the postpartum body. What I learned brought me to tears. Not happy ones. But, tears of frustration. So much of my postpartum pain and suffering and discomfort could have been avoided had a healthcare practitioner told me that I needed to work on diaphragmatic breathing immediately following childbirth.

What I didn’t know cost me time and energy and extended pain and discomfort.

When I left the hospital after giving birth, I was forgotten. Lots of trips to the pediatrician to check in on my son. But, me? Nah, the hospital could care less. Other entities provided information online about the importance of diaphragmatic breathing – but, not the hospitals, not the healthcare providers. Do they not know this? Why would they withhold this key practice and rehab? You have to find your postpartum recovery and rehab wellness from yoga instructors and other professionals who seem to care more about the postpartum woman than doctors, nurses and hospitals.

So, what is diaphragmatic breathing and why is it so important to a postpartum woman?

When a woman is in her third trimester, after her organs have shifted around to make room for her growing baby, there is a great deal of pressure on the diaphragm and lungs, and the mother’s breathing eventually shifts from deep breaths lowering and expanding the diaphragm like a balloon to shallow breaths getting pushed upward, as if the shoulders are lifting the breath from the lungs. It happens without noticing it. The interesting thing is that many women continue to breathe like this long after the baby is born – like years after the baby is born.

This shallow, shorter breath starting from the chest, lifting the shoulders, gives you less oxygen and doesn’t work the core, so it keeps the weakened spots weak. This is a problem for many reasons, but, from a postpartum recovery standpoint, not breathing from the diaphragm will not help to recover a weakened core and pelvic floor, which then creates all kinds of compensations – including weak glutes, tight hips and sore back.

So, I struggled, even with a personal trainer, to see a significant change in my core, pelvic floor, glutes and hips. And, getting your breath to work properly again will restore the muscular balance to your body. This breathing will also prevent and heal postpartum issues like diastasis recti, incontinence and pelvic organ prolapse.

There is lots of great information about diaphragmatic breathing online. I found great therapeutic help here:

brb Yoga: core strength for life – How To “Fix” Your Body After Pregnancy

Browse the brb Yoga site for all kinds of postpartum healing resources.

I also learned more about diaphragmatic breathing here:

Mother.ly – “The answer to postpartum recovery may be how you breathe…”

The big take away for me is that it’s never too late to recover your breathing. I started doing diaphragmatic breathing exercises and techniques so that after a weekend of practice, my breathing was improved. I still have to work at it to get my natural breathing fully back, but, I am no longer doing the weird, short breaths that had started in my third trimester.

When I think about living through horrible colds and Covid-19 over the past couple of years – it’s no wonder I had suffered so badly! I wasn’t breathing right to begin with!

Had I not brought up the weird sensation in my belly to my personal trainer, I would have never arrived at this therapeutic postpartum rehab – that is the most essential technique that all women should do immediately after birth. Who knows if I would have ever returned to normal breathing. This is serious rehab that gets completely missed from hospitals and minimal OB-GYN postpartum care. How is it that postpartum women are not given this important instruction following birth?

As Brooke Cates, author of the Motherly article states, “correct breathing lays the foundation for healing and restrengthening your inner core. With breath, you begin the healing process postpartum by simultaneously rehabbing both the deep core and the pelvic floor.”

Cates explains once you’re breathing from your diaphragm again, you will have a calm, natural breathing sensation versus a stressed and more forced breathing action. I felt this shift 100%!

So, fast forward to exercise and movement to regain strength in your core, pelvic floor, and so on – “once your breath is re-wired you can progress with deep core-based activations, functional movements and smart core-based exercises.”

While I lamented that I could have felt so much more support, empowerment and strength just weeks postpartum, I allowed myself to mourn that absence of rehab for the past four years and move on. I finally have hope regarding these key issues of not feeling supported, empowered or strong. I had written in my journal for the past two years that I felt physically powerless and weak. And no more. One weekend of diaphragmatic breathing has already made a difference. I am excited to reap more benefits of this incredible rehab and finally reclaim my health and my body after four years of struggle.

It’s never too late to correct your breath. It’s never too late to heal your postpartum body. And I just want to share this with every woman I know who has had a baby or is about to have a baby. No one should suffer from the lack of support, empowerment and strength that is a given with the right postpartum rehab. If hospitals won’t share this with new mothers, then I suppose it’s up to mothers to pass this along.

These Were A Few of My Favorite Things in 2019

My Top Ten Self Care Products That Got Me Through My First Year Postpartum

 

When I decided to write about my “top ten of anything” to wrap up 2019, it was very clear that my top ten would be related to the birth of my son.  His arrival dominated my year!

I have written extensively about my postpartum experience because I think it’s really important to be open, candid and honest about what really happens when you are recovering from having a baby.  While every woman has her own unique experience, there are many unspoken aspects of recovery that make the process challenging, both emotionally and physically.   More and more women are speaking up about those things.

Among the most important messages, advice and wisdom I received during this period of my life was to make time for self care.  It sounds easy enough.  It wasn’t!  Caring for a newborn and yourself at the same time is not easy at all.  Especially if you have more recovery needs than the average new mom.

I simplified.  Self care would sometimes be as simple as taking a shower and using products that made me feel like a queen.  I compiled a list of my favorite self care products that were especially nurturing and luxurious!  These products made a huge difference in my emotional recovery – not only are they healing to the body and soul, but these businesses share high ethical standards and use the most natural, clean ingredients available.

It’s the little things that really aren’t little at all.
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10

BEE LUCIA WELLNESS CANDLE
I brought home the “Grounded” wellness crystal-infused candle with labradorite crystals. I would light this candle any time I needed to get grounded.  Simple as that.  Its delicate but soothing scent is all about relaxation and getting centered and to create a meditative environment.  Each candle is crafted around a specific intention, made with toxin-free beeswax, organic coconut oil, therapeutic grade pure essential oils and natural crystals.  When you burn your Wellness Candle negative ions are emitted to bind to toxins and help remove them from the air.  I write about the benefits of negative ions all of the time!  You’re not just getting the benefits of aromatherapy – but negative ions, too!  Note:  negative ions are beneficial particles for the human body while positive ions are harmful; negative ions are found in highest concentrations in natural, clean air and are abundant in nature – especially around moving water like waterfalls, ocean surf, at the beach or after a storm and especially in mountains and forests.  Take this candle home and you can create a similar soothing environment!  A local family-owned Portland, Oregon company
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9

URBAN MOONSHINE CALM TUMMY BITTERS
I have long used bitters for digestive relief.  I studied holistic nutrition and have made recommendations for many clients to use natural herbal bitters to help soothe digestive diseases.  I discovered Urban Moonshine at Portland-based market New Seasons.  I love the Calm Tummy blend because it has a strong yet gentle balance of chamomile and ginger – perfect for pregnancy nausea and postpartum tummy aches.  Urban Moonshine has an incredible website with pages like an online classroom – super informative!  A woman-run company based out of Burlington, VT.

 

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8

SHEA MOISTURE GROUND COFFEE SCRUB
This is another product I found at a New Seasons store in the greater Portland area.  The nutritionist working in the personal care section highly suggested this product.  I explained that after having my baby my arms and legs were dry and a little bumpy.  I tried a few approaches, unsuccessfully.  This scrub healed my arms and legs, leaving me with soft, smooth skin like my baby!  I love the texture and fresh ground coffee smell – a natual wake- me-up with my morning shower.  I will say you need to rinse out your shower after using this product – it can get a little messy.  But, well worth a brief clean-up for such luxurious natural medicine!  Shea Moisture was founded by Sofi Tucker a woman who started selling shea nuts at the village market in Bonthe, Sierra Leone in 1912. By age 19, the widowed mother of four was selling shea butter, African black soap and her homemade hair and skin preparations all over the countryside.  Her grandchildren run Shea Moisture, Sofi’s legacy.  This business has pioneered fair trade through Community Commerce at home and abroad.  A woman-founded fair trade company from Sierra Leone, Africa.

 

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7

PACHA SOAP CO.  SWEET HONEY ALMOND FROTH BOMB
I’ve never been into bubbles, froths or bombs in my bath.  I prefer basic epsom salt soaks – sometimes with a little milk and honey infusion for an added indulgence.  I received a Pacha Sweet Honey Almond Froth Bomb at my baby shower with some other self care items for new mamas.  I put the bath bomb on the shelf.  About the time my son was six months old, and I was done with the sitz baths, I decided to try the froth bomb.  It was a revelation!  The ultra luxe gold shimmer entices.  Once added to hot water, this lovely froth opened up all of my senses with its warm honey-almond fragrance.  The delicate froth turned the bathwater silky and didn’t leave residue on me (or my bath!).  Instead, the all- natural ingredients kissed my skin and gently softened my elbow, knees, heels.  I didn’t want to get out of the tub!  The ultimate self care!  Read about Pacha’s incredible mission on their website.  Pacha Soap Co is another global-conscious company spreading goodness through good causes.

 

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6

EVAN HEALY TULSI FACIAL TONIC HYDROSOUL
I get compliments on my skin all of the time.  I have been blessed with my grandmother’s excellent genetics.  But I still take great care of my skin.  I’m a little OCA (obsessive compulsive Advantage!) about it.  I use Evan Healy products for my morning and evening skin care regimen.  When I was diagnosed with celiac disease back in 2007 I became more mindful about not only what I was putting in my body, but what I was putting on my body.  I had to read labels for gluten ingredients, often hidden, like triticale, wheat germ, barley, and so on.  Once I began reading labels I quickly saw ingredients that I didn’t want to put on my skin.  I adopted the philosophy “if I can’t eat the ingredients then it won’t go on my skin.”  Your skin is your largest digestive organ – it absorbs everything you put on it, as well as other unseen things in the environment.  To lessen the toxic load, I decided I had control over what I would put on my skin.  Evan Healy’s products are fine to eat – not that you would, but, there are no harmful chemicals.  Her products align with my philosophy.  Just as I practice holistic nutrition, holistic skincare is nutrition, too. 

I love the Tulsi (Holy Basil) Facil Tonic HydroSoul.  I mean, I love all her products.  But, this was a standout for me in 2019.  It was especially restorative and therapeutic during my postpartum year.  Plus, it has an amazing spicy, sweet clove-like fragrance.  In Hindu tradition it’s believed that Tulsi is a goddess embodied in an herb and is revered as the holiest of all plants.  In the wisdom of Ayurveda, Tulsi exhibits anti-oxidant, purifying, awakening, grounding benefits to skin, respiratory passages and psyche.  This is more than a skincare product.   It is medicine.  Another great website to educate and inform.  A woman-run company based in California also involved in ethical projects as well as the American Family Farm Revival.

 

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5

WELEDA WILD ROSE PAMPERING BODY OIL
Weleda has long been a pioneer in natural products and even has its own certification for sustainability and environmentally friendly practices.  The mission is to create products that naturally work with your body’s own systems.  I only recently became a fan of rose oil or rose water.  This particular product is pure luxury.  I apply it from neck to toe as soon as I get out of the shower.  It has warming properties and just feels lovely.  I picked this out just at a time when I was going through some postpartum depression and I was going through the typical new mom identity crisis feelings.  This lifted my spirits.  Turns out, I learned in a healing Mayan abdominal massage treatment that I also needed work on my heart chakra, which is associated with balance, calmness and serenity.  Rose oil is associated with the heart chakra.  I was intuitively applying medicine.  Though global, Weleda still cultivates its own biodynamic gardens and work in fair trade agreements with small farmers and gardeners to source the best raw materials.

 

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4

WILD CARROT HERBALS WANDERLUST FOOT CREAM
My feet hurt a lot during my third trimester.  I had a bit of edema and my high arches were pushed nearly flat from the weight of my baby.  Even months after I gave birth to my son my feet hurt.  They sprang back to their normal high arches, which, I think exasperated the pain.  I just wanted my husband to squeeze my heels as hard as he could for relief.  My feet were also very dry from hormone changes and during harvest (I’m a winemaker) after being on them for grueling hours they’d often get wet and stay wrapped in damp socks for hours.  My feet needed some love.  I found this foot cream, thanks to the lovely new packaging.  It drew my attention!  I applied this indulgent cream immediately – the night of purchase, right before bedtime.  As the website promises – it’s perfect for slathering on weary feet, cracked heels and dry legs, and uses Oregon-grown peppermint oil to help revitalize the skin and restore the spirit.  It definitely softens and hydrates.  My feet felt completely renewed and restored.  A woman-owned company based in the beautiful Wallowas Mountains in Oregon.

 

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3

BADGER PREGNANT BELLY OIL
I started using this soothing belly oil during my third trimester.  I continued to soothe my healing tummy skin during my postpartum year.  It’s that rose scent again – but with vanilla.  Jojoba and coconut oils blend to make a super luxe, non-greasy oil that absorbs immediately and leaves a light scent.  Lovely!  Feels so good on stretching, stretched and stretch-marked skin.  A family-owned company with healing products, a healthy business and a mission to make a difference.

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2

KUU BOTANICALS GINGER & WILD ROSE INFUSED CASTOR OIL
Unfortunately, there isn’t a website available for this product.  I found it at a pregnancy and postpartum wellness center in Portland, Oregon.  This roll on castor oil was the perfect medicine for my c-section scar and scar tissue.  It can also be used for menstrual cramp relief.  It’s every bit soothing and warming with a delicate ginger and wild rose aroma.  A gentle application with the roller ball – and heat can be added like a traditional castor oil pack.  This product was ultra nurturing for me during my postpartum year. A local woman-owned Portland, Oregon company.

 

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1

EARTH MAMA ORGANICS PRODUCTS.  ALL OF THEM!
I am naming ALL of the Earth Mama Organics products as my number one self care products that got me through my first year postpartum.  I received many of these products as a baby shower gift – probably the most nurturing gift for my self care regimen.   Let’s face it – mama is often forgotten after baby comes along.  But Earth Mama Organics takes care of both baby and mama.  I could not have survived my immediate postpartum days and weeks without the herbal sitz bath, herbal perineal spray, skin and scar balm, nipple butter and milkmaid tea.  The diaper balm is by far the best we’ve tried – our baby has gone almost diaper rash free as a result of this balm.  I can’t praise this line of product enough!  The website is a wonderful resource for expecting moms to visit – with a “Birth Plan” category and other really useful information – I recommend all expecting mamas read the section on “Postpartum Lying-in Plan”, a practice we implemented that has made all the difference for both my recovery and my child’s comfort.  A local woman-owned Portland, Oregon company.

 

Winter Has Come

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I took a hiatus from this blog.  Once I got into the thick of Harvest 2018, while in the second trimester of my first pregnancy, I lost the ability to think outside of the demands of bringing in grapes, processing grapes, fermenting grapes, pressing grapes and putting nascent wine into barrel for winter hibernation.

Winter is my season.  I was born in the midst of an ice storm in Havre de Grace, Maryland in the month of January, after all.  I love snow and staying home to stay warm.  But, this year, as harvest wrapped up and the holidays came along, I felt a sense of melancholy.  This was the first time I had missed spending Christmas with my family – ever.  It’s bad enough that I don’t get to see my family enough.  Missing our family traditions made me feel alienated in our quiet, little farm abode in Newberg, Oregon.  I missed my family.  I missed the Christmas traditions that I looked forward to sharing with my family:  driving through the neighborhood to look at the Christmas lights; the Italian tradition of the feast of the seven fishes on Christmas Eve; Midnight Mass; Danish smørrebrød on Christmas morning; watching my young niece and nephew enjoy the magic and wonder of Christmas morning; enjoying the cozy togetherness, the simple art of hygge (the Danish art of coziness); and going out for the annual holiday movie with my siblings (specifically the blockbuster sequel genres of Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars).

I had to miss going home for the holidays because I was 36 weeks pregnant and unable travel across country by airplane.  And while many friends in my social media circles tried to console me and remind me that I have my own home now and my own family – a doting husband and a baby on the way – I couldn’t shake my winter blues.

While there’s nothing like going home for Christmas, it turns out that my many friends in my social media circles were right.  Traditions can be edited, families grow, and life goes on.  My sweet husband worked hard to ensure my winter – and the holidays – were still warm and cozy.  They were different, but no less special.  We had Christmas Eve dinner with his father, aunt and cousins; we attended Midnight Mass at the beautiful Grotto in Portland; he made us a beautiful Danish smørrebrød on Christmas morning; we quietly opened up gifts that were all for our soon-to-arrive baby; and, on New Year’s Eve we had a magical dinner in and set off crackers that sent brightly colored streamers to adorn our Christmas tree while sipping on Champagne, and then we slow danced to Auld Lang Syne.  It was all perfect.

I got my wonderful winter.  My birthday came along and my husband made a perfect Coq au Vin which we paired with a special bottle of 2011 Clos Roche Blanche Cuvée Pif.  This wine is significant for several reasons.  For one, I made my first wine for my business in the same vintage – 2011.  Clos Roche Blanche was the inspiration for the first red wine I ever made – my Oregon “Tour Rain” Vin Rouge – which is 40% Gamay Noir and 60% Cabernet Franc.  The 2011 CRB was born to go with my husband’s Coq au Vin.  It was nice to finally sip on some wine without repulsion during this pregnancy.  It was like falling in love with wine all over again!

As these annual markers and milestones passed, we were closer to delivering our baby.  On the weekend of our 38th week gestation we decided to take a last minute “babymoon”.  I got the green light from my doctor and we packed up for a much needed respite up on Mt. Hood.  We arrived at our friend’s quaint cabin in the snowy village of Government Camp.  We enjoyed precious time together – just the two of us before becoming three – cooking lovely meals, my husband building the best woodstove fires, playing rounds of gin rummy, snuggling, taking easy walks in the snow, and then snowshoeing a moderate trail for two miles on our last day on the mountain.  I was proud of myself for snowshoeing at 38 weeks pregnant!  It felt wonderful – my joints opened up, the fresh air was like medicine, and the snowfall was a welcome peace.  Our babymoon was winter jubilation.

The following week, I began early labor at home.  Winter had come.

After two days of early labor at home, we checked into the hospital for a light induction.  More than 24 hours later, after active labor followed by 3 hours of pushing, and a baby not passing through the pelvic bone, we were carted into surgery for a C-section.  Our beautiful baby boy was born on January 15th.

For a winemaker, this is the perfect time to have a baby.  The barrels were getting topped, as needed.  And plans for bottling the white wines in March have already been made with minimal work to do beforehand.  My husband was able to take off four weeks from work so that we could create our little fourth trimester cocoon.  We have been cozy at home, our Christmas tree still up (and quite a hit for our newborn’s gazing delight), sleeping, napping, breastfeeding, and eating nourishing, comforting winter foods – rich yellow lentil soup, beef chili, lasagna, baked sweet potatoes, southwest hash browns with farm eggs – our refrigerator and freezer prepped before heading to the hospital.  And, many of our friends in the wine business helped us out with a meal train – bringing restaurant quality foods and groceries to our front door.

We aren’t leaving the house and we aren’t opening up the door for visitors.  We are using this time to nurture and protect our newborn, allowing me to heal from both pushing in active labor and a c-section, and using this time for family bonding.  We are also in the midst of a measles outbreak in the greater Portland / Southwest Washington area – which is causing a bit of panic for many of us with babies under a year old who cannot get vaccinated.  It’s crazy, but suddenly it feels more like 1819 than 2019 with mostly anti vaxxers’ children under the age of 10 getting sick, but, putting babies and immune compromised people in danger.

Sign of the times, I guess.  The world seems crazy!  It is why I take even more comfort in staying home with my husband and baby for a winter hibernation.  It is quiet, healthy and perfect.  I am activated to write more in the few precious moments when I can sit down while the baby is sleeping, sip on some hot tea, and give my patient, sweet cat some attention.  I have a lot on my mind right now – mostly about parenting and processing a traumatic birth and dealing with the physical discomforts that come with healing from childbirth.  So, the blog will reflect what’s going on in my mind.  Eventually, it will turn back to winemaking thoughts and nutrition and living on our sweet farmstead in Oregon wine country.  There’s plenty of time for those things.  We are very much in the moment now, and that reflects mid winter, some solitude and the earliest days of caring for a newborn – with all of its beauty and wonder.  Yes, I got my wonderful winter.